Memorial Day – What It Truly Means

I hope everyone has fun plans scheduled for this weekend.  It is always a nice time to get together with family and friends. The weather is usually pleasant (maybe not this year), barbecuing commences, pools open and summer unofficially begins.  However, there is a much deeper meaning to this day especially in a country with troops in engaged in many different dangerous situations (some we will probably never know about).  I’ve researched and located the first Memorial Day Proclamation:

Headquarters, Grand Army of the Republic
Washington, D.C., May 5, 1868 I. The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet churchyard in the land. In this observance no form or ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit. We are organized, comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose, among other things, “of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers, sailors, and marines who united to suppress the late rebellion.” What can aid more to assure this result than by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead, who made their breasts a barricade between our country and its foe? Their soldier lives were the reveille of freedom to a race in chains, and their death a tattoo of rebellious tyranny in arms. We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the Nation can add to their adornment and security is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let no wanton foot tread rudely on such hallowed grounds. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and found mourners. Let no vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten, as a people, the cost of free and undivided republic. If other eyes grow dull and other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain in us.

Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved from dishonor; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among us as sacred charges upon the Nation’s gratitude,—the soldier’s and sailor’s widow and orphan.

II. It is the purpose of the Commander-in-Chief to inaugurate this observance with the hope it will be kept up from year to year, while a survivor of the war remains to honor the memory of his departed comrades. He earnestly desires the public press to call attention to this Order, and lend its friendly aid in bringing it to the notice of comrades in all parts of the country in time for simultaneous compliance therewith.

III. Department commanders will use every effort to make this order effective. By command of:

JOHN A. LOGAN,
Commander-in-Chief.

N. P. CHIPMAN,
Adjutant-General.

I am attaching a link to a more detailed accounting of our military casualties and wounded (worth the read and is quite a history lesson in and of itself) – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_military_casualties_of_war , however, the sum total of our military casualties, wounded and missing since the Revolutionary War is as follows (and growing every day):

Combat Deaths = 848,163

Other Fatalities = 433,161

Total Fatalities = 1,321,612

Total Wounded = 1,531,036

Total Missing = 38,159

These numbers are the stark reality of the ultimate sacrifice that many of our fellow citizens have made on our behalf.  It is quite sobering to think of the devastation this caused in so many families.

As you raise your glass this weekend, please take a moment to reflect on what Monday truly means.  There are currently several hundred thousand hundred troops stationed directly in harms way doing very dangerous often thankless work.  We owe them and their predecessors a vast debt of gratitude.

Related articles

• Remember the Fallen this Memorial Day (cristoncox.com)
• Memorial Day Is a Time to Remember – Memorial Inspiration (lnger.wordpress.com)
• What Does the Bible Say About Memorial Day – Honor Jesus and Loved Ones This Holiday (lnger.wordpress.com)
• “Memorial Day Order” (creepingsharia.wordpress.com)
• Memorial Day – It began with General Orders No. 11 (jroycroft.wordpress.com)
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Leadership Thought #434 – Life Can Change In An Instant

Yesterday started out like any other typical day for me with the small exception of a minor headache and neck pain.  It was no big deal (I thought).  I would simply exercise my usual mind over matter technique and get on with the day.  At first, this approach worked.  I can get really wrapped up in my work and have to be a good listener and concentrate on what I am being told.  I also tend to personally like and care about my clients, so it’s always nice to see them and try and be of some help.  In addition, Wednesday is the day I get my kids and this never fails to put me in a good mood.  However, the nagging headache wouldn’t go away and slowly built up with intensity throughout the day.

Towards the end of the day I couldn’t wait to get home and take something for the pain.  I have a pretty powerful anti-inflammatory that works every time although I try to use it sparingly.  This time it didn’t work and the pain and throbbing just kept increasing.  My poor daughter was having a bit of a stomach ache but I really couldn’t focus much and thankfully she took a nap and her big brother stepped up to help her.  Finally, out of desperation I called my client, friend and chiropractor and tried to book his last appointment.  He has been a big help to me through the years with some chronic pain issues and has helped kept me in generally good physical health.  Once I arrived he looked me over made some very gentle adjustments but when he heard me utter the words, “my worst headache ever”  he became very concerned and encouraged me to go the to ER or Urgent Care. Things were spiraling down quickly.  It was all I good do to focus on driving.  I’ll always remember the concerned look on his face as I left the office.

After making arrangements for the kids, I took myself to the ER and waited in pretty intense pain for over an hour in a very well light and loud ER waiting room.  To be honest this felt like torture and I couldn’t believe how long it took them to find me a quiet dark room.  Thankfully, the nurses were very caring and my wonderful girlfriend arrived to provide her usual loving support.  After waiting considerably longer a doctor finally arrived and ordered a series of tests and put me on pain medication.  By this point, the pain was pretty much unbearable and I welcomed any relief.  I was also very worried about what the tests might show. 

Once the pain medication kicked in (a very strange  and unsettling sensation) and I experienced some slight relief, my thoughts began to wander as to what this all meant and what the tests/scans might indicate.  I also started to feel fairly emotional and somewhat vulnerable.  Life seems to get very small when you are alone with your thoughts in a crisis.  I asked myself, what it would mean if the news was bad and I had something heavy to deal with.  I was very concerned about the kids and the last look I saw on their faces as their sick dad left for the doctor.  How would they manage if their dad, a usual pillar of strength, became something much less than that?  I also thought about the relatively new love in my life who has become so integral to my life and me to hers.  We are just beginning this great romantic journey together.  How would all this affect her?    I thought about how I had actually spent that day and the value of my life and work up until that point. I pondered if I had any major regrets or things I would like to do differently – fortunately the answer was mostly no.  I did realize I have been considerably blessed to this point in my existence.

We all know that we meet the same end but we usually don’t know when or why.  Most of us avoid spending much time at all thinking about our mortality.  It is almost taboo to think about our own expiration date.  We stay focused on the moments at hand and feel like our future is open-ended.  Why does it take a crisis for us to appreciate the tenuousness of our time here on earth and the true importance of our close relationships? It is a shame we can’t be in this mindspace more often – maybe it would make us all slightly better people.    The truth is that we are all living on borrowed time and how we spend that time matters.  I heard a speaker comment recently that in every interaction we are either giving life or taking it away.  I liked it when he said it then and like it even more now.

When you are waiting on potentially unsettling news, it has a way of clarifying your mind and humbling your self-opinion.   I was lucky this time around.  My pain was diagnosed as a migraine headache (my first ever) and was told there were medications and other options to help me manage future occurrences especially if I act quickly upon experiencing early symptoms.  It could have been much worse.  Besides having a newfound empathy for migraine sufferers (god bless them), I also know what it’s like to be completely physically and emotionally vulnerable to health complications and the inherent fear and worry that takes place as you await potentially life changing test results.

I hope that I have learned from this experience and will strive to be a better person as a result.  We are all on this journey called life together even though we depart alone.  It is through our relationships, actions and belief s that we form our life and affect each other.   Are you happy with where you are today? Is there anything you need to change?  Are you holding onto things or emotions you should let go of?  What will be the legacy you leave behind for your kids, spouse, siblings, friends, etc?  What thoughts do you want to be in your mind as you confront a moment of extreme vulnerability? It is worth thinking about now?

Related articles

• Migraines Are Real (donnaposley.wordpress.com)
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• The new normal? (painpositive.wordpress.com)
• 5 ways to handle chronic pain (cnn.com)
• What is Causing Your Headache? (jointachesandpains.org)
• It’s all me, me, me… Writing an autobiographical article (misscreate.wordpress.com)
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Selected Quotes On Life and Success By Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my favorite writers.  It is hard to box him into any one style because he does it all so flawlessly.  While he is sometimes not an easy read, the effort is always worth it.  There are nuggets of wisdom embedded throughout Emerson’s work and the more you read him, the more thoughtful insight you come away with.  He has a way of making sense out of life that is both unique and useful.  Personally, I recommend everyone keep a copy of his complete essays and reference the individual topics based on their current life situation.  The utility of the book will only grow with time and experience.

The following quotes are just a very small snippet of his wisdom:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

“The ancestor of every action is a thought.”

“Thought is action in rehearsal.”

“Life consists in what a man is thinking of all day.”

“There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination.”

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”

“No one can cheat you out of ultimate success but yourself.”

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”

“Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood.”

“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”

“No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.”

“The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.”

“Often a certain abdication of prudence and foresight is an element of success.”

“Some pursue happiness – others create it.”

“Life is a progress, and not a station.”

“Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.”

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

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• “Mothers” – William Gaddis (biblioklept.org)

Leadership Thought #352 – What I Learned From My Mom

As we celebrate another Mother’s Day, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share my thoughts on my mom and how she has influenced my life.  Sadly, my mother is in a nursing home now, but she still has that sparkle behind here eyes when she sees me and my kids. You always know that when you are with her you have entered a space of love.

A mother is a very special person in a child’s life and if you are lucky, a lingering positive presence throughout your adult life.   Much of what we first learn comes from our mom.  She is often the calm in the midst of the many storms we encounter.  She is there for you no matter what.  I am blessed that my mom had so much to offer.  The following lessons are just a small sampling of her overall impact on my life:

• Love your children fully and unconditionally – I never once doubted my mother’s love for me;
• Be your kid’s biggest defender – life can be hard at times even for a kid and it’s nice to know there is someone who will always have your back;
• Be your kids biggest fan – take pleasure  in the little accomplishments;
• Make the effort to make the special moments truly special – holidays and birthdays were always fun in our house;
• Sing and laugh loudly – have fun, who cares who’s listening;
• Indulge your creative side – it is an important part of who you are;
• Reading IS fundamental – always have a good book by your side;
• Offer affection regularly – the people you love should be reminded often;
• Having faith makes life easier to navigate and helps you to never lose sight of what’s most important;
• Stay in touch with the people closest to you – my mom wrote me just about every other week I was in college and it made a big difference;
• Sadly, pain is part of life but don’t get mired in it –  offer it up and move on with your day;
• When someone is sick, take care of them and be a source of comfort – you will both feel better in the end;
• It’s okay to get angry every once in awhile, but don’t hold on to it too tightly – always forgive those you love;
• Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face - know when to pick your battles and when to relent;
• Never get caught in a lie – honesty is an essential part of your character;
• If you don’t have something nice to say about someone, then say nothing – my mom never badmouthed anyone to me;
• Never worry to much about what others think about you – be true to yourself;
• A robust family life leads to a fuller and happier life.

If you are fortunate to have your mom still with you please treat her special this weekend – she deserves it.  If she is no longer with us, then spend some time in quite reflection remembering the happy times and positive memories.  We only get one mother.  Never forget that without her we wouldn’t be here.  She sacrificed and gave up many things to have and be with you.  She wasn’t perfect (no one is) but I’m sure she tried her best.  She brought us into this world, took care of us, and made sure we could find our own way.  She taught us how to love and be loved – the most important gift of all.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Related articles

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• Mother Day’s (daphnegan.wordpress.com)
• Happy Mother’s Day (mydailycreativesarah.wordpress.com)
• Creating and Accepting Mom’s Love (lightworkersgifts.wordpress.com)
• Happy Mother’s Day to all moms (insidehalton.com)
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Leadership Thought #433 – You Must Be Willing To Change To Stay Successful

Inflexibility is rarely a virtue especially when it comes to business.  The landscape of business history is littered with failed business leaders who were either unwilling or too slow to change their thinking.  Just because something has worked in the past doesn’t mean it will work in the future.  The only constant in life is change.  Markets change. Customer attitudes change.  The best method for doing business changes.  Technology changes. As a business leader you must be willing to adjust to your changing circumstances or risk the consequences.

It’s often hard to accept that what got you here won’t get you were you need to go.  I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a client bemoan the fact that a long term business relationship has suddenly ended or that the market as a whole has shifted its buying behavior not in their favor.  You can never take success for granted.  Being good at what you do will work for awhile but it’s equally important to know how the definition of good is changing and why.  No one wins a race standing still or running backwards.  In addition, it makes no sense to fish in a pond where the fish are no longer biting or where everyone else has cast their line. In business you must keep your competitive edge.

Changing before you have to takes courage.  Initially the signs aren’t always so obvious regarding what you need to do. You may even get conflicting advice.  However, commit your organization to continually striving for positive momentum.  Do your homework: read industry journals/publications; stay connected with key clients; solicit feedback from front line employees; and regularly network with talented colleagues and peers.  However, look for clarity not certainty. There are no perfect business decisions – just don’t be reckless or foolish.  You are rarely (if ever) smarter than the market. 

Life tends to reward those who act and build the capability to adjust course as they move forward. It’s better to be the pioneer of your own future success rather than someone who is stuck in the past, too committed to the present, or waiting for the perfect time to act.  You must be willing to change to stay successful…

 

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Leadership Thought #432 – It’s Your Sandbox – Manage It Carefully

When you own your business it is your sandbox. You get to decide who plays in it and what happens inside.  Just remember that these decisions also have consequences.   As an advisor to my clients, my role is to get them to appreciate this fact.  I’ve often watched people make decisions that I don’t agree with.   Sometimes I am right and sometimes I am wrong about what happens next.  My track record is usually pretty good but far from perfect.  I just want to make sure that these decisions are somewhat informed and well thought out.  I am fine with being pleasantly surprised by good results that I didn’t foresee or anticipate.  I learn from these situations as well – never underestimate the resolve and creativity of a committed leader.  Most importantly, I strive to ensure that these decisions are aligned with the outcomes the client is aspiring to achieve.   Success can be defined in many different ways and unless there is a moral or ethical component, it is not my role to judge.

People and situations never cease to amaze me. It’s rare that someone can consistently just operate from their gut and/or avoid basic business principles and good things always transpire. Moreover it’s amazing how many leaders have “blinders on” about their people.  You can’t fly in the face of reality for too long.   Inevitably, the lack of real thought, logic or understanding ends up catching up with you.  Some leaders do get to go a long time before this happens but they often don’t see or choose to ignore the cracks in the foundation as they are occurring.  There is nothing sadder to me as a business advisor than to watch someone come to the conclusion one day that the vision they had for their business and themselves is no longer achievable.  Time is finite and certain mistakes become far too difficult to overcome.  Being a perpetual optimist only works if you have the necessary time to act and that the actions have some chance of working.  If you are not careful you end up with minimal options when this happens.

Here are some big challenges I’ve seen well intentioned leaders create for themselves while managing their own sandbox:

• Hiring and promoting family members or friends who are ill-equipped to be successful at their jobs;
• Expecting from people what they are incapable of delivering – you can’t put in what was left out;
• Playing the wrong employee favorites – choosing loyalty or personal compatibility over competence;
• Being too casual with employees and degrading your leadership position as a result;
• Surrounding yourself with “yes” men and women rather than building a management team of competent professionals who provide constructive feedback  and help you avoid the dangers of “groupthink;”
• Spending the majority of your leadership time on or with your problem employees rather than your superstars;
• Making the work culture a democracy rather than a meritocracy – valuing everyone’s opinion as equally;
• Overly valuing employee tenure rather than rewarding performance;
• Solving the hard problems for their direct reports rather than pushing them to learn to resolve these issues for themselves;
• Letting your employees personal problems become your problem or becoming problems that adversely affect the running of the business; 
• Keeping/hiding bad economic results from their bank instead of bring the matter to their attention and asking for advice/help;
• Using debt or overly burdening the business cost structure to fund a personal lifestyle the business model cannot deliver;
• Undercapitalizing a new business initiatives (or even the business as a whole) and being under constant cash flow pressure;
• Jumping into a new business opportunity without conducting adequate due diligence and planning first;
• Waiting too long to adjust the existing business model to reflect new market realities;
• Forgetting to maintain on an on-going two way feedback loop with customers – failing under the spell of “we know best what our customers need;”
• Bringing on the wrong equity partners and/or diluting their own equity unnecessarily;
• Waiting too long to exit an underperforming entity/idea;
• Not having an exit/succession planning strategy aligned with your  personal life objectives;
• Not being on the same page with your spouse/partner in terms of what life balance, happiness and success looks like.

I could probably spend the better part of a day further populating this list, but this is what initially jumps out at me.  Yes, your business is your sandbox, but be careful about how you design it, maintain its structural integrity, who you let in, and the culture that exist within it once they get there.

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Leadership Thought #431 – FOCUS, Focus, focus

If I had to pick one thing that inhibits success the most amongst small business and nonprofit leaders I would say it is a lack of sustained focus.  By the very nature of them being entrepreneurs, they tend to be very opportunistic.  It is common for entrepreneurs to see a business opportunity around every corner.  Their mindset is that every problem has a solution and the only obstacle to progress is a lack of effort. Unfortunately, this is only partially true.  Yes, every problem does have a solution, but the effort needs to be put forth by the right people with the right plan.  It is not merely a question of resources, attention and willingness to put forth effort.  Great leaders and strong businesses focused on the wrong opportunities/problems typically only achieve mediocrity at best.  At worst, this distracts their true potential for greatness by limiting their attention on what they should be doing in the first place and creates business vulnerabilities that should never have existed.

If everything becomes a priority or if priorities are constantly shifting, then nothing truly is a priority.  No one business or individual is a capable of being effective at everything.  Time is also finite and how we allocate our resources within this universal constraint is critical.  Often, our biggest asset is our people, and most employees are easily distracted and/or overwhelmed on a daily basis.   One of the primary responsibilities of a leader is to keep his/her people focused on what’s most important.  In his famous book, Good To Great, Jim Collin’s talks about success being an intersection of three things: your passion, your talent, and a clear understanding of your economic denominator.  I’ve always liked this mode of thinking.  To be able to something well, you need to have a passion for doing it in the first place, your need to have the skill set to get it done well, and it must fit effectively in your economic model.   There are many things we could do that satisfy one or maybe even two of these criteria, but to be truly great at something you need to nail all three. 

I encourage my clients to minimize their number of organizational priorities using carefully thought through screening criteria that are consistently applied.  The goal is to keep the organization diligently focused on these few important items through successful completion.  Making good decisions and then ensuring effective execution is what leadership is all about.  One of my colleagues used to advise his clients to focus on their “Big Three,” I prefer no more than 5-7 key business initiatives taking place at any one time.  And, the smaller the company, the fewer priorities it can handle. 

As a leader, you should always be striving to build a solid foundation upon which the organization can thrive and grow.  A foundation is only ever as good as its engineering.  The most important decisions leaders have to make are what to say “no” to.  By doing this, you allow the organization to build the breadth and depth of requisite capacity to share the load and distribute the weight of responsibility evenly.  Unfortunately, it’s much easier for the typical entrepreneur to say “yes” much more often than he/she should.  It is almost a knee jerk reaction.  As a result, their foundation begins to exhibit cracks and they end struggling to maintain performance under a weight of their own making. 

When properly applied, focus is actually liberating.  The best way to combat complexity is always with simplicity.  Far too many leaders unnecessarily complicate their business model.  Success shouldn’t always be about the struggle.  When things are going right it does and should feel comparatively easy.  I tell my clients this all the time and they don’t believe me until they actually begin to operate with sustained focus and it inevitably happens.  Another colleague of mine who has a remarkable business track record regularly tells me that one of the first signs of an underperforming leader is that he/she is working too hard at too many things and their life is completely out of balance.  These individuals sadly end up becoming activity junkies jumping in multiple and different directions with very little rhyme nor reason.  The struggle has become what defines them rather than the result. 

If history has proven anything to us it is the potential power of a small group of focused, dedicated and aligned individuals who believe in a shared common purpose.  Focus, focus, focus, especially when it is hard and good things will happen.

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