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Daily Leadership Thought #150 – Count to Ten


When I was a young boy my mother used to say to me when I was angry (which wasn’t very often) to count to ten before saying or doing anything.  There mere fact of pausing before you act or say something out of spite is quite a useful tool.  Sometimes we just want to respond or act immediately to what’s been said or done to us without thinking first.  Our first instinct is to fight back or lash out.  Unless you are in physical danger this is often a bad idea.

A little time to pause and reflect can go a long way.  Cooler heads can and should prevail.   If you are in a leadership role, it’s important to be known as someone who has control of his/her emotions.  People expect you to have a stable and unflappable persona.  At minimum, you are supposed to be the mature adult in the room.  In your personal life you will avoid many relationship landmines by not always “taking the bait” when others trigger you emotionally.  It’s best to keep a sense of perspective and not turn everything into a big deal or intense conversation.  Sometimes people just slip up or they are tired and not thinking and need to be cut some slack (as do you).

While email and texting certainly have many communication positives, they are a very poor way to deal with conflict.  In fact, one could easily argue they create more conflict.  You can’t take the personal out of interpersonal communication.  There is something about having to a look another person in the eye and read their body language or at least hear their voice which makes you think about what you are saying and how you are coming across.   When you can just hit the send button and move on to other things without immediate feedback or consequences, you are prone to write things you may later regret.

Several years ago a mentor mine told me to practice the 24 hour role with email.  When you want to send something out of anger or frustration, sleep on it and think it through first.  Things often look differently in the morning and you’ve had some time to cool down.  I try but don’t always follow this rule and when I don’t, I later usually wish I had.

Anger is a basic human emotion that we all experience on a semi-regular basis.  What’s important is how you manage it when it happens.  Before saying what immediately comes to your mind (or worse), pause, take a deep breath, count to ten and think before you talk (or email).  Life is hard enough without making it unnecessarily more difficult for other people and yourself.   And, no matter how long you live, it is still a good idea to heed the advice of your mother.

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