A strange thing happens to us as we age. We become more risk adverse and less open to the learning and growth possibilities abundant in life. We get set in our ways and habits. Our worldview becomes fixed. We are less willing to challenge our own perspective and very judgmental of others who disagree with whet we think. We tend to look backwards not forwards on social issues. The past gets sentimentalized while the future is rife with doubt and uncertainty. We are skeptical that the younger generation has what it takes to solve the problems that ironically enough our own generation created. We become closed rather than open to possibility.
It may sound cliché but our life IS what we make of it. If we limit our options our results will be equally limiting. Change is a fact of life. Nothing ever stays the same especially the people who make up our universe of social interaction. Are you the same person you were 5 years ago? David Whyte, my favorite living poet, has a saying that “we learn the most about ourselves when we are between things.” Life has a way of forcing these transitions whether we like it or not. You resist the lessons to your own peril.
A common body language signal of being closed or defensive to what you are hearing is crossing your arms across your chest and leaning backwards. I see this all the time in meetings and one on one interactions. A person in resistance mode either disagrees with what they are hearing and/ or that you have touched a nerve that makes them uncomfortable. However, personal development is rarely pain free and intellectual maturity means challenging your own conceits. I regularly tell my clients they need to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. When you experience a visceral reaction to something it is the universe giving you a hint to pay attention. And, by the way crossing your arms tightly across your chest and leaning back for extended period of time is an uncomfortable position and makes other people feel less safe with you anyway.
I much prefer the body language equivalent of opening your arms wide before a hug. At that moment you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another human being and open to the same response from them. You realize that contact with another person is important and their existence in this world has made your own experience a better one that is worth celebrating. In a larger sense, I’d encourage you to start each day with your arms and eyes wide open to possibility the world has to offer you. Sure it might be a bit scary and uncomfortable at first to step outside your preconceived idea of a comfort zone but that is exactly the point. The world will hug back in many ways, shapes and forms.
Most people slowly box themselves in over time and limit their possibilities until they even begin to embrace and justify the constraints. I cannot promise you that life will always work out the way you want it to if you become more vulnerable and less close minded, but I will guarantee that your options for success and happiness will increase and that you will attract more people to your professional and social circle who lift you up rather than hold you back. Stay vital and fight the natural tendency to become more closed with time and the world WILL respond in kind.
- Are You Keeping People Away with Your Body Language? (Plus 10 Tips to Improve Your Connection with Others Through Body Language) (personalexcellence.co)
- Let’s get uncomfortable! (sherrylcook.wordpress.com)
- Your Body Language Speaks for You in Meetings (blogs.hbr.org)
- The body language of disengagement – and how to deal with it (forbes.com)
- Soul leadership (everydayleader.wordpress.com)
- That one rule #406 (jenniduran.com)
- Coaching for Life: FAITH (farsightcoaching.com)
- the opening of eyes ~david whyte (pathwriter.wordpress.com)
Filed under: Business, Personal, Your Actions, Your Knowledge, Your Relationships | Tagged: change, close minded, comfort, David Whyte, life, open-minded, options, risk adverse, visceral reaction, vulnerable |