Yesterday started out like any other typical day for me with the small exception of a minor headache and neck pain. It was no big deal (I thought). I would simply exercise my usual mind over matter technique and get on with the day. At first, this approach worked. I can get really wrapped up in my work and have to be a good listener and concentrate on what I am being told. I also tend to personally like and care about my clients, so it’s always nice to see them and try and be of some help. In addition, Wednesday is the day I get my kids and this never fails to put me in a good mood. However, the nagging headache wouldn’t go away and slowly built up with intensity throughout the day.
Towards the end of the day I couldn’t wait to get home and take something for the pain. I have a pretty powerful anti-inflammatory that works every time although I try to use it sparingly. This time it didn’t work and the pain and throbbing just kept increasing. My poor daughter was having a bit of a stomach ache but I really couldn’t focus much and thankfully she took a nap and her big brother stepped up to help her. Finally, out of desperation I called my client, friend and chiropractor and tried to book his last appointment. He has been a big help to me through the years with some chronic pain issues and has helped kept me in generally good physical health. Once I arrived he looked me over made some very gentle adjustments but when he heard me utter the words, “my worst headache ever” he became very concerned and encouraged me to go the to ER or Urgent Care. Things were spiraling down quickly. It was all I good do to focus on driving. I’ll always remember the concerned look on his face as I left the office.
After making arrangements for the kids, I took myself to the ER and waited in pretty intense pain for over an hour in a very well light and loud ER waiting room. To be honest this felt like torture and I couldn’t believe how long it took them to find me a quiet dark room. Thankfully, the nurses were very caring and my wonderful girlfriend arrived to provide her usual loving support. After waiting considerably longer a doctor finally arrived and ordered a series of tests and put me on pain medication. By this point, the pain was pretty much unbearable and I welcomed any relief. I was also very worried about what the tests might show.
Once the pain medication kicked in (a very strange and unsettling sensation) and I experienced some slight relief, my thoughts began to wander as to what this all meant and what the tests/scans might indicate. I also started to feel fairly emotional and somewhat vulnerable. Life seems to get very small when you are alone with your thoughts in a crisis. I asked myself, what it would mean if the news was bad and I had something heavy to deal with. I was very concerned about the kids and the last look I saw on their faces as their sick dad left for the doctor. How would they manage if their dad, a usual pillar of strength, became something much less than that? I also thought about the relatively new love in my life who has become so integral to my life and me to hers. We are just beginning this great romantic journey together. How would all this affect her? I thought about how I had actually spent that day and the value of my life and work up until that point. I pondered if I had any major regrets or things I would like to do differently – fortunately the answer was mostly no. I did realize I have been considerably blessed to this point in my existence.
We all know that we meet the same end but we usually don’t know when or why. Most of us avoid spending much time at all thinking about our mortality. It is almost taboo to think about our own expiration date. We stay focused on the moments at hand and feel like our future is open-ended. Why does it take a crisis for us to appreciate the tenuousness of our time here on earth and the true importance of our close relationships? It is a shame we can’t be in this mindspace more often – maybe it would make us all slightly better people. The truth is that we are all living on borrowed time and how we spend that time matters. I heard a speaker comment recently that in every interaction we are either giving life or taking it away. I liked it when he said it then and like it even more now.
When you are waiting on potentially unsettling news, it has a way of clarifying your mind and humbling your self-opinion. I was lucky this time around. My pain was diagnosed as a migraine headache (my first ever) and was told there were medications and other options to help me manage future occurrences especially if I act quickly upon experiencing early symptoms. It could have been much worse. Besides having a newfound empathy for migraine sufferers (god bless them), I also know what it’s like to be completely physically and emotionally vulnerable to health complications and the inherent fear and worry that takes place as you await potentially life changing test results.
I hope that I have learned from this experience and will strive to be a better person as a result. We are all on this journey called life together even though we depart alone. It is through our relationships, actions and belief s that we form our life and affect each other. Are you happy with where you are today? Is there anything you need to change? Are you holding onto things or emotions you should let go of? What will be the legacy you leave behind for your kids, spouse, siblings, friends, etc? What thoughts do you want to be in your mind as you confront a moment of extreme vulnerability? It is worth thinking about now?
- Migraines Are Real (donnaposley.wordpress.com)
- Migraines and Meditation: Working Together to Relieve Symptoms (wholesomeone.com)
- 3 major signs your headache is something more serious (nbclatino.com)
- The new normal? (painpositive.wordpress.com)
- 5 ways to handle chronic pain (cnn.com)
- What is Causing Your Headache? (jointachesandpains.org)
- It’s all me, me, me… Writing an autobiographical article (misscreate.wordpress.com)
- Be Free Of Migraine Pain Forever (llatech.com)
- CNN Article: 5 Ways to Handle Chronic Pain (lbwebb.wordpress.com)