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Leadership Thought #467 – Leaders Should Listen More Than They Talk

Over the years I’ve noticed that it is inexperienced or mediocre leaders who feel like they have to dominate all conversations.  It’s almost as if what anyone else has to say has limited or no value and it is only their opinion that counts.  We’ve all been in meetings where there is that one person who simply will not be quiet and yield the floor to others.  They are also often prone to interrupting their colleagues before they can finish their thoughts and using obvious body language when the center of attention isn’t focused on them. This is bad enough when it is a peer but even worse when it is the actual leader of the group.  Nobody likes a “know it all.”

I have a colleague who is fond of saying that “most people are preparing to talk rather than listening.”  I must admit to catching myself in this mode more often than I would like.  You start to block out or only partially listen to what others are saying and wait for your chance to interject and share your thoughts on the topic at hand.  As a result you often miss important information, repeat what someone else has already said and de-motivate the other party to the conversation to continue engaging.  It is a vicious cycle and ultimately you end up providing a monologue to a disinterested audience.   When people check out on what you are saying as a leader, you are in trouble.

Leaders have the responsibility to foster rigorous debate and dialogue not inhibit it.  Your goal is to make the right decisions and come up with the best solutions.  The more people who participate in this process the better.  The only real way to do this is to ask good questions and listen intentionally to what other are saying.  You need to facilitate the conversation rather than just lead it.  No one person has the market cornered on good ideas.  The loudest person in the room is rarely the most intelligent; they just crave attention.  In my experience, a major reason why businesses don’t grow is because the leader feels he/she has to have all the answers rather than building a team of competent professionals and leveraging the skills/experience of those around them.

When I was a kid my mom used to often say, “Less is more.”  It took me way too long to figure out what she meant.  It’s not about how much you say, but what you are actually saying.  And, if you want people to listen to you, you need to listen to them.   The best leaders I now pick their spots.  They do their best to take it all in and only contribute when they feel they can add value or need to move things along.  If you are thoughtful about when you speak, people tend to pay attention.  If your ego pushes you to dominate conversations, then don’t be surprised if you find leadership to be a lonely place and continued success a hard nut to crack.

Daily Leadership Thought #89 – Listen Until It Hurts

You ever notice that when you meet someone who is a good listener it is a fairly unique encounter.  In fact, the experience is so rare that when it actually happens you can’t help but acknowledge it and be attracted to the other person.  Most of us, and I’ll put myself in this category, are usually preparing to talk not listen.  We are thinking about what we are going to say before the other person has even finished what they want or need to say.  Sadly, we usually know what we want to say before they are even halfway through their thought.  Duplicate this mindset with the other party to the conversation and you can see why there is so much confusion and misunderstanding in the world.

When you are a leader or manager part of your job is to listen until it hurts.  You need to force yourself to pay full attention to what the other person is saying and then ask clarifying questions to make sure you fully understand them.  It is also critical that you pay attention not just to what is being said, but also the body language and tone of voice.  Both provide clues as to what is important to that person.  True listening is a skill and requires practice, commitment and hard work.  It also is becoming increasingly difficult in this fast paced, technology driven, attention deficit inducing world.

Too much valuable information is missed in everyday conversation.  Ironically, this is especially true with verbal people who tend to talk instinctively rather than listen.  When people don’t feel heard they give up on the conversation and look for an exit cue (either passively or aggressively).   We’ve all been impressed many times by others who although not known as great communicators suddenly inject some profound wisdom into a situation.  Their wisdom was always there, they were just waiting for the opportunity to talk and for someone else to listen.  The loudest people are rarely the brightest.  They just naturally demand the most attention.  Just imagine how much value is lost every day due our inability to listen well, ask good questions, and actually think about what’s already been said before talking.

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